A Puzzle

Z and I had a talk about how I needed to be comfortable being myself. *sigh* I don't know. I see his point. If I am uncomfortable or ashamed of any part of myself, I should try to work to correct them so I can be completely comfortable with who I am. I agree.

The problem is, its not that I'm ashamed of who I am... its that I don't trust most people to see it. The fact is, its not that hard to hurt me if I truly let you in. If I drop my defences with you, you can lacerate me. I am just not at all interested in letting that happen. I'm really not trying to go the whole my submission is a beautiful gift route. Its honestly just part of who I am. However, very few people (I can name only two adults) are going to be in my inner circle.

Is it wrong to want to be allowed to hide myself in front of others? Is this disrespectful? Is it self protection as I see it or selfish?

I have no fucking idea. But, its one to puzzle out.